Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
