i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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