Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
