I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We smell like vodka and hangover
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