wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
