the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
