Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
