i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I party with great urgency now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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