Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
