Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
