she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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