So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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