WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
