I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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