I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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