I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
