She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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