remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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