i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
