was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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