I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
