she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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