"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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