Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I want her autograph on my taint
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Panties = found
Randomize
