So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize