i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
