shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
