I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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