No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
