Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
