omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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