You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
