i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
