**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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