He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize