Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
