I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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