I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
