Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
