Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
