We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
