Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Drunk is not a location!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
