The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize