I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
