Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
