I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
