All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
