So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
