Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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