Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
