I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
