Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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