I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Sober January is a disaster.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
