I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
