somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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