I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
