So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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