there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
