found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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