i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
