i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
