i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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