another moral hangover. fuck.
I CAN MOONWALK!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
