Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize